Bolton Carley returns this week to entertain us with prose poetry.
Absolutely the perfect day:
Bare Naked Ladies on the radio,
Cool breeze coming in the window,
Dancing hip-hop, tango, two-step
Even a little waltzing,
Finally falling onto the couch
Gasping for breath and gulping water,
Hungry for Cheetos and
Just the right combo to
Kick-start a glorified day of playing hooky.
Let the co-workers bitch.
Management can kiss my ass!
Nobody’ll be telling me what to do today!
Oh, no! This is my well-deserved day!
Preach it to the choir, honey!
Quittin’ time came early this week –
Right before I told ‘em to take this job and
Shove it up their …
Telling me what to do while
Up to their eyeballs in
Video games and Wii tournaments
While we slave away like
Xerox copy machines churning out
Yellowing sheets of drivel assigned by over-
Zealous wanna-bes headed up the corporate ladder….
Common Decency (or Not)
No, it’s not okay…
She’s boiling upwards to a stringent red like a thermometer,
Backing away, like from a bee about to sting.
No, it’s not okay.
Hatred seeps out like steam from a teapot,
Fearful like a sales-checker announcing a price on condoms.
No, it’s not okay.
Glossed over like the lighthouse flood light catching her eyes,
Traumatized by news broadcast like live radio:
No, it’s not okay
To invite your daughter to your sex toy party!
You can’t be serious.
Run that by me again.
You know that doesn’t really happen.
No effing way!
How is that even possible?
She had to have known.
She had to have!
There had to be clues.
Are you freaking kidding me?
And it wasn’t you?
And you’re okay with this?
Are you sure?
And you’re not messin’ with me?
I’m not really sure what you want me to say here…
What comes to mind?
You’re tellin’ me that you’re
At the hospital with your girlfriend
Who just had a baby but
Didn’t know she was pregnant
And it isn’t yours
But you’re going to raise it?
Ooooo…K… I guess?
Love you, too.
HOLY SHITBALLS, BATMAN!
Can I have an Amen?
Blessed Lord, be with Grandpa
As he makes his final journey to be with
You and Grandma. Don’t tell anybody
But I packed him a fifth of whiskey under
His dress coat, I figured you’d understand. Also,
Please God, save me from the wrath of
my mother who gave me the
“you-broke-your-curfew” stare as I sauntered
in with Jagger.
Although his yellow-faced devil
Tattoo, pierced neck, and skull –n-crossbones
Boots suggest otherwise, he’s a great Guy.
God, you know he is. He even went with me
To the free clinic.
Plus, you know how mom gets. She’s
Like a Rottweiler with a T-bone when you tell her
Somethin’. Just please keep mom from making a
big scene at the luncheon when I announce we found
a place in Double-Wide Haven here in town so we
Can be close when Baby Spike’s born here in
About eight months.
Don’t know why Mother
Has to make such a spectacle of herself…
But thank you, Lord Jesus,
for seeing us through to Heaven’s
Sheila the Great
Sheila’s so “seasoned” –
She’s sensitive, sympathetic, shocking, and spectacular.
She’s the whole shebang…
Sometimes, she’s a simple Southerner
Swirlin’ her straw in her sweet tea swill
And sometimes, she’s sophisticated and suave
Swooning over sweet strawberries and chocolat.
She sniffs out stories and
She shares her secrets with the socialites
Over Sangria or shots of Schnapps or even Schlitz (shhh..)
Shortly after, showing up on stage
To shimmy, shake, and swing her stuff while
Singing songs soulfully like Cher
She shines at sports –
She stretches, swims, and skeet shoots
She slides skillfully on skis, skates, or even snowshoes
She’s a selfless Samaritan –
She sews shirts and shorts for struggling Sudanese
She showers soldiers with survival kits
She supplies sanctuary for wounded sparrows
And says silent supplications to our Savior.
Sheila’s simply sensational.
She’s so saccharine sweet –
Still, she’s surprising.
She’s sugar to your salt
She’s the spice in your salsa
She’s soda with sour skittles
She’s so special, that Sheila.
Why’s she gotta be my sister?
Bolton Carley is a blogger, writer, wife, jack of a few trades, farmer’s daughter, and seeker of a good agent. Her humorous life lessons blog can be found at http://www.boltoncarley.wordpress.com, her poetry surfaces at http://www.boltoncarley.blogspot.com, and her young adult verse novel, Hello, Summer Vacay! can be purchased at http://www.amazon.com, or you can catch her flash fiction at 6S and her random thoughts on Twitter at email@example.com .